The Missing Master
by EinAffe
Summary: Another one of my insane little stories. Anakin can't find his master and so he goes looking for him all over Coruscant except where he might actually find him, of course. And why exactly does Mace wear a sithly hat? Warning: Content might be humorous...


**Author's note:** Wow, I can't believe it! After writing no fanfiction for my whole life, now I've written TWO stories in two weeks! I hope you enjoy this one as much as the last one or even more.

Warning: The characters are certainly none too bright, and especially Anakin is a bit out of character. But otherwise it wouldn't be so much fun.

Disclaimer: They are neither in my right nor my left pocket nor in my handbag. So I guess I don't own them. Wait, they could be in the cupboard! *runs and checks*

No, they are not in the cupboard, either.

**THE MISSING MASTER**

„Obi-Wan? Obi-Wan, where are you?" Anakin was looking for his master. He wasn't in his bedroom, he wasn't in the training rooms and he wasn't in the garden, meditating. So where could he be? "OBI-WAHAN!" Anakin shouted at the top of his lungs. "MASTER, WHERE ARE YOU?"

Right at that moment, Mace walked by. He asked: "What is this noise? Why are you screaming like that? Have you gone mad? People are trying to SLEEP in here! It's early in the morning!"

Anakin was worried. "I can't find my master, he's gone. Where could he be? I have no idea. He somehow disappeared."

Mace was frowning. One the one hand, he knew that Anakin was prone to having insane ideas and wouldn't listen to reason when he was in that mood. On he other hand, they were talking about _Obi-Wan _here. If there was a Jedi who managed to get problems almost in EVERY situation, then it was Obi-Wan.

"Have you tried his comm.?", Mace asked.

"Yes, he left it lying on his bed. He ALWAYS leaves it somewhere when we are at the Temple. He says that he doesn't need it as long as he doesn't go outside the Temple. In fact, I think he hates, no, how did he put it, he "rather dislikes" his comm. unit. I think all the calls he gets from Master Qui-Gon somewhat annoy him. He always gets these useless and annoying calls. Master Qui-Gon usually calls him, then says some random line and hangs up without even saying goodbye. Apparently, he used to do that all the time when Obi-Wan was his apprentice, and my master couldn't do anything about it because Qui-Gon was his master. But now that Qui-Gon is dead, he simply doesn't want to put up with it any more, so he usually just leaves his comm. in his room if he doesn't really need it."

Mace was somewhat bewildered. What was Anakin talking about? Qui-Gon had been dead for the better part of the last eight years. It was impossible that he was calling his former apprentice, was it? But then, we were talking about _Anakin_ here. He always said strange things like that. Mace guessed he should be used to it by now. He wondered how Obi-Wan put up with that all the time if he couldn't stand it for more than a few minutes.

"Well, he's not in his room, is he?" Mace asked tentatively. You always had to make sure that Anakin really did what any sane person thought of first, because with him, you never could be sure. And indeed, Anakin exclaimed: "That's a great idea! I probably would have thought of that last." Mace didn't doubt that.

So they checked Obi-Wan's room, but unfortunately he wasn't there either. Slowly, Mace was growing worried, whereas Anakin was already frantic. "Where could he have gone? Think! Did he say anything to you?" Mace asked Anakin. Obi-Wan would never go anywhere without at least leaving a note for his padawan. Everyone in the Temple knew how Anakin acted when his master was not near. It could end in the complete destruction of the Temple…

Mace considered what to do. "I have no idea what could have happened. Maybe we should go and talk to Master Yoda. Perhaps he knows what to do. He always knows all the stuff that's going on. Don't you think it strange that he always knows about everything but has no idea that Palpatine is the evil Sith Lord and will take over the Galaxy? You would think that he knows about that, too, but no, he only knows about the unimportant stuff. Maybe he just can't be bothered. Or maybe he is on the Dark Side himself. But nobody knows what's going on inside his huge green head. Personally, I don't even want to know. I mean all the strange things he must be thinking about…" Mace said.

Anakin shuddered. He didn't even want to imagine what Yoda was thinking about. But he agreed that they should go and ask Yoda about that. He did indeed seem to know everything except Sidious' evil plans. Well, at least that would mean that he probably knew what had happened to Obi-Wan.

They found Yoda sitting in his room on one of the round cushions, meditating.

"Master, I can't find Obi-Wan." Anakin blurted out.

"He has gone missing and we couldn't find him. Maybe you can help us?" Mace asked hopefully. Although he didn't show it, he quite liked his fellow Jedi, and the missing one in particular. _He _never questioned orders (well at least not in public) and he certainly never talked back.

"Checked in his room, have you?" Yoda asked. You always had to make sure that Anakin really did what any sane person thought of first, because with him, you never could be sure.

"Yes, we did." was Anakin's answer. "He wasn't there. It was all deserted. Empty. No one was in there."

"Hmmmmm…" was all they got from Yoda. Eagerly they waited for an answer. But everything Yoda said was "Hmmmm…" over and over again.

After some five minutes of strange sounds from Yoda, they finally lost their patience. Well, Anakin lost his sooner, but Mace kept him from acting on his impatience. But as Yoda didn't say anything else, he asked: "Well?"

"Hmmm…" Yoda said once again. "Strange, that is. Look for him, we must. Talking about Obi-Wan, we are. Anything could have happened."

Together, they took off towards the Council chamber. Yoda called in the Council for an emergency session.

When all the Council Members had arrived, they explained the situation. Though most of the masters present were not exactly happy to be thrown out of bed this early in the morning they didn't complain. If this was about Obi-Wan, it was probably serious.

They made pairs that would search for the missing Jedi all over Coruscant. Nobody knew what had befallen Obi-Wan but judging by the worry and fear his padawan was projecting rather clearly in the Force, it was probably horrific.

"Where have you seen him last?" asked Plo Koon.

"He was sleeping on the floor of his bedroom when last I saw him. Then I went to sleep, too. When I woke up again he wasn't there any more."

"What was he doing sleeping on the floor?" asked Mace.

"It was all Obi-Wan's fault!" was the only answer they got from Anakin. But they were used to that by now. They wouldn't get any other answer from Anakin now, though. So they gave it up. It was no use.

Anakin was teamed up with Mace and Yoda. He wasn't very glad about that because Yoda walked annoyingly slow. But at least he usually knew what was going on. Not today, though. He just hobbled around the Temple, constantly saying "Hmmmmm…" in his distinct fashion. When Anakin and Mace had had enough of that, they simply left him behind, muttering to himself. Yoda never even noticed that they were gone.

Some time later, Mace and Anakin were joined by the Chancellor. Nobody knew what he was doing in the Jedi Temple this early in the morning, but he seemed to have heard the news already. He was almost giddy with excitement: "So he is gone? Really, truly gone? That's great! Terrific! Wonderful! Marvellous! I can't believe my good luck! Now my way is clear to pull Anakin to the Dark Side! I will tell him loads of lies, like that if he kills all the Jedi he can save his wife and children and that annoying master of his won't be there to counteract my evil plans! And I won't even have to use my considerable mental abilities to get him away from Coruscant. What happened to him? I hope it was appropriately painful. If I just think about the amount of money I spent on trying to get him killed, and now he's disappeared all by himself! But just to make sure, who did it? Was it someone reliable? If you find him and he's not dead or not dead enough, please kill him again for me, all right? You can't make sure enough with that bastard, he comes back from the dead when you least suspect it."

Anakin and Mace stared open-mouthed at the Chancellor. Their brows slowly started to furrow.

Palpatine seemed to realize his mistake. Quickly, he fumbled for the right words.

"So it wasn't you who ordered him killed? Well, in that case, just forget what I told you. It is of no concern for you." Palpatine stammered. Then he started his usual benevolent act: "So, what happened to poor Master Kenobi? I hope our favourite Jedi will be found soon! He will survive, I trust? It would be a great loss for the Republic if he weren't to return, not to speak of the personal sadness I would feel at his demise."

The Chancellor sounded positively disgusted when he said that.

But before Mace could investigate the Chancellor's intentions towards Obi-Wan further, Padmé arrived. Nobody knew what she was doing in the Temple, either, but that day was obviously not normal.

"I have just heard it! What happened to Obi-Wan? Is he alright? Why is it always the hot ones who die first?" Turning to Anakin, she blandly stated: "I already said that I wouldn't mind you bringing him along for our private cuddle hours if you so wished, didn't I? I don't mind sharing if you don't… I mean I was always wondering whether I married the wrong Jedi…."

"But nobody said that he was dead! Why are you all celebrating and lamenting his death when he could as well have gone to Dex and is enjoying breakfast RIGHT NOW? I think we should go there and check!"

So Anakin, Mace, Padmé and the Chancellor all headed towards Dex's Diner. The chances of finding Obi-Wan there were actually quite slim, but Anakin didn't say that because he was eager to get some of the breakfast mentioned earlier. And as breakfast without his master was usually rather boring, he decided that Mace, Palpatine and Padmé maybe could brighten up the whole affair quite a bit… not to mention that he needed someone who could actually pay for all the food he planned on devouring.

Somewhere along the way, they met the tall, lanky frame of our most favourite Gungan, Jar Jar Binks. "Whatsa yousa doing here? Meesa was just going for breakfast. Meesa hungry."

Well, Jar Jar always told you what he was doing whenever you met him. It seemed that he couldn't keep his scant thoughts to himself.

"Moi, moi, whatsa yousa doing with da evil Sith Lord, Ani? And da intimidating Jedi there? And yousa have also taken da tarty Senator along? What yousa are doing? Meesa is coming along with yousa!"

Jar Jar clearly had no idea what was going on, but seemed very intent on coming along nonetheless. Obi-Wan would not be amused when they found him. Of all the strays Qui-Gon had picked up over the years, the Gungan was the most annoying. Unfortunately, he was also the most persistent in showing up.

So they all went and had some really nice breakfast. After almost three hours of constant chewing and lots of laughing and talking in between, Anakin remembered their initial mission: "We haven't found my master yet, have we?" he asked. After eating almost everything that was on the menu, he could think even less clearly than was normal for him.

"No, we haven't." was Mace's somewhat tired sounding answer. He wasn't used to eating so much and would very much like to go back to bed this instant.

"And I hope we won't in the next 100 years or so!" mumbled Palpatine.

"Maybe he has gone shopping! That's what I would do to burn all the calories I just ate. Let's go to the shopping mall!" was Padmé's opinion.

"Yes, that seems like a sensible course of action." Anakin seemed convinced that this was _exactly_ the thing his master would do.

"Meesa is coming along, too. Meesa likes shopping!"

"But we are not going shopping; we are looking for Obi-Wan. He's missing!" Anakin explained.

Senator Amidala looked not quite satisfied with that statement. "Well, we can look for him and do a bit of shopping as we go, I don't think Obi-Wan would mind if we had some fun while we are searching for him." She said. Having established that, a huge smile spread over her face and an almost fanatic glint entered her eyes. It was scary to behold. She had smelt the prey and now was a predator for shoes, clothes and useless accessories.

So next, they were off to the shopping mall. Each of them spent a small fortune there except for Padmé. She actually spent a HUGE fortune on make-up, ridiculously elaborate clothing and huge mounds of uncomfortable shoes. By the time they were done "searching" in all the shops, it was almost midday. They decided that Obi-Wan would probably have gone off to eat by now if he were them, so they found themselves a fancy restaurant. (Never mind that they were supposed to think what _they _would do if they were Obi-Wan, not the other way round.) There they had lunch. Obviously, shopping was quite a good way of burning calories, because they were all hungry again even though they had a huge breakfast not too long ago.

"I have no idea what to eat here, I've never been to such a fancy restaurant." Anakin whined. "My master never takes me out to eat like this."

"That's because he's a Jedi. And he wouldn't even have the kind of money for a restaurant like this. We can only come here because we have three politicians (well, if you count Jar Jar) who are generous enough to pay for us." was all Mace had to say to that.

"Yes, Obi-Wan doesn't appreciate you enough. You shouldn't keep him as your master. Come to me, and you can have this kind of food any time you like. The Dark Side is very generous." Palpatine tried to lure Anakin to the Dark Side again. He had been trying that all day, but so far, he hadn't had any luck.

"Well, but then, my master is a pretty good cook himself. And besides, I like HIS mashed potatoes better than the ones they serve here…"

During all the time, Jar Jar first slurped his soup and then started stealing food from the plates of the others with his tounge. Fortunately, that kept him from talking.

After they finished lunch, it was Palpatine's turn to make a suggestion where to look.

"Well, if I were him *shudders at the idea* I would probably go to the sithly Museum of Torture and Death. I heard they had a special deal for Sith Lords and their apprentices. Maybe if you could become my apprentice, Anakin, we could save 50 % of the entry fee AND get a sithly hat for free."

So they decided to go to this particular museum, one of Palpatine's favourites. They decided, though, that Mace with his grim looks would be a much more convincing Sith Lord than old grandfatherly Palpatine, and Padmé, who still had the predatory glint form their shopping hunt in her eyes, would be his apprentice.

They actually succeeded in making the cashier believe that they were a pair of evil Siths, and so now Mace was wearing a hat that said "Death to the Jedi! Sith Lords rule!"

They went through the museum and had lots of fun. They learned lots of interesting stuff about the past and the future of the Sith and tried lots of fun activities such as a quiz called "Are you smart enough to take over the Galaxy and become Galactic Emperor?" (Palpatine failed quite spectacularly at that one) or a virtual reality named "How would I look like in a black, intimidating life support suit which does that scary breathing noise?". Everyone agreed that the only one with the figure to wear such a thing was Anakin; he certainly had the hips and shoulders and the height necessary for that kind of thing. Anakin was flattered.

After that, they went to a special room where all the Sith torture devices were on display. Palpatine was very enthusiastic and hopped from one display to the next, eagerly planning which to use on Obi-Wan once they had found him.

So they spent their whole afternoon in the museum. They all had lots of fun, and everyone (including Palpatine) learnt some astounding new facts about the Sith and their torturing methods in a non-painful way.

Then it was Jar Jar's turn to voice his opinion where Obi-Wan could be. "Hesa might have gone in thesa fun park with a lots of roller coasters and funny rides."

Nobody was convinced by that, but then again, they had practically stopped looking for Obi-Wan since they left the Temple. So nobody was concerned that they wouldn't find him there.

After they tried all the rides in the park, Mace was deaf from Anakin's screaming, Padmé couldn't stop giggling, Palpatine looked almost as green as Jar Jar and was horribly sick in the next waste bin and Jar Jar was unconscious from all the excitement.

The last one to give his opinion on where Obi-Wan could be was Mace. "I think that after such a day, Obi-Wan would likely go to the movies. We should go look there. And besides, there is that movie I wanted to see…"

At the movies, they had another pleasant surprise. Apparently, it was Sithly Week in Coruscant, and Mace (clearly identified as a Sith Lord by the hat still perched on his head) and Padmé (as his alleged apprentice) could watch a movie of their choice for free. As the others didn't want to wait for them outside, they decided to join them in watching the movie.

Afterwards it was already quite late, so they decided to call it a day and hope that some of the other Jedi had more success in locating the missing Obi-Wan. They couldn't possibly have had more fun doing that, though.

So at last, everyone went home.

Obi-Wan was quite surprised when he came back from the shower to find his apartment empty. He had only left his Padawan alone for 15 minutes, and now he was no longer sleeping on the floor where Obi-Wan had last seen him, but gone. Obi-Wan hoped that he would turn up in time for their usual sparring match; he had planned a small surprise for Anakin. He wanted to show him how to best attack an opponent who had the higher ground, as Anakin had been begging his master to show him for quite some time now.

His comm. unit was still lying on his bed, exactly where he had left it not half an hour ago. Nobody had left any messages in the inbox.

But his padawan was gone. Obi-Wan thought he had heard him shouting something earlier on, but he couldn't be sure because his ears had been full of water back then.

"Well, that's no reason to worry, it isn't as if we didn't have this sparring session EVERY DAY for the last SIX YEARS. I am sure he will remember to return some time before that." Obi-Wan was unconcerned… for now.

He went to the training rooms to do some stretching and training before Anakin arrived. On his way, he noted something strange: although the hallways were usually quiet in the Temple, it was rather unusual that no one was to be seen. True, it was early in the morning, but Jedi were notoriously early risers… well most of them were. But today, the hallways seemed deserted as if everyone had gone out in an emergency.

Obi-Wan tried contacting Anakin, Mace and even Master Yoda, but no one answered his calls. Slowly, Obi-Wan grew worried. Surely it wasn't time yet for some dark Sith Lord to kill all the Jedi and leave the Temple deserted? No, they still had some years to go until that happened…

Finally, Obi-Wan could locate Yoda, who was wandering the Temple muttering to himself. When he asked the venerable old master what he was doing, he got an answer he didn't expect: "Shh, quiet, you must be. Looking for Obi-Wan, I am. Missing, he is. If silent you are not, perhaps find him, I cannot. Disturb my concentration, you must not."

"But Master Yoda, why are you looking for me? I've been here in the Temple all the time. Is that why everyone is gone?"

Yoda was startled. Then he smiled. "See, found you, I have. Great, I am. Very wise, I am, too. Recall all the other Jedi we must. Found you are." And with that he hobbled off to tell everyone that Obi-Wan was safely back, all the time wondering where Anakin and Mace were, as they had been behind him last time he had checked…

Everyone got their call except for Mace and Anakin who were too busy eating at that time…

Obi-Wan spent the rest of the day in his quarters, cleaning up, meditating and getting some work done while waiting for his apprentice to return. He had to wait quite a long time: Anakin came back some time around midnight, looking content but exhausted.

"Where have you been?" He said to his master in a slightly accusing voice.

"I've been here all day. Where have you been?" was the prompt answer.

"I was all over Coruscant. I've been looking for you. We were very worried about you… well at first we were. Then Mace and I met Palpatine, Padmé and Jar Jar and they wanted to help us looking for you. So we went to Dex's Diner, then to the shopping mall, to a fancy restaurant, the sithly Museum of Torture and Death, a fun park and the movies. We didn't find you, though."

"Well, obviously. But why didn't you look for me at places where I might actually be instead of where I have never been and probably might never go?"

"But we had so much fun…"

His padawan looked so happy and had clearly been enjoying himself that Obi-Wan couldn't make himself lecture Anakin. A bit of fun certainly couldn't be all that wrong for his apprentice. And with a small smile, he sent Anakin off to bed. The lesson planned for today would have to wait for some other time…

Author's note: I wanted to thank everyone who reviewed my other story. Please feel free to leave a review on this one, too. *hint, hint*


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